Antwan
05-21-2014, 04:02 AM
This is going to be a bit of a lengthy read, but if you're interested to know why I act certain ways some days, here it is.
Hey guys, So I have some time this morning.
I wanted to kind of touch base with what has been going on these last couple of years.
Sometimes you have to sit down and evaluate why you may be doing what you're doing.
Why I have showed up, may have come off as kind of crass, upset or misinformed in my time here.
I have a tremendous respect for this community and it kind of hurts,
knowing that some people might still see me as this odd douche that thinks outside the box from time to time.
I've been thinking a lot, and I may start up some kind of release blog and go into further detail, but here's what's up for the most part.
It has been a real struggle for me in life, two decades and three years later.
Several near death experiences and one that was pretty life changing.
Some people already know the story but, I was skating with friends when I was 16.
Bombing hills, on the way to the park, lost them along the way. I was and still am a smoker.
I have no memory of this incident, but according to everyone else, I was hit by an oncoming van going about 40mph.
I had no protection on.. No helmet, knee pads, nothing. My mother and sister had one hell of a time trying to find out where I was.
With new privacy laws in place and no I.D. on me at the time, I was listed as "cincinnati kid" or something stupid like that.
They were told that I may not live through the trauma, they were preparing to help them get through the time losing me.
It's beyond me how, but I went from critical condition to leaving the hospital in 12 short days, sleeping through most of it.
I then proceeded to go through a couple therapies, if you've had an injury I'm sure you're familiar with physical therapy.
I passed that with flying colors, done very quickly. I felt so sure of myself that I went out and skated.
With an open wound covered by a bandage, dumb, I know. Went back into surgery for a staph infection.
Once this was through and all the dust settled, I still had some issues to work out on my own.
It is said that people who undergo brain injuries are likely to experience depression. In which I did.
I value my life though, I'm still here, you know? So the depression wasn't that bad. I refused to see a therapist.
I then attempted to quit smoking, it didn't work out. I eventually did quit smoking for 4 months.
Started up again, smoking heavily for about 4 or 5 years now. I have plans to quit, just rough right now.
Through the whole accident ordeal I dropped out of the 10th grade when I turned 18.
They offered help to get me through classes, but it was too much on me personally.
I lost memory of things and it took several minutes for me just to process basic math problems.
I've tried my hand at relationships with women all which had some kind of terrible outcome.
This frustrated the shit out of me..
One day I'm chilling, Smoking, Hot girl walks up to me and asks to bum a cig.
What do you say? Hell yeah, here. We talked for a while, she's a dancer at a night club.
Things escalated, I lost my virginity at age 23 to a 25 year old.
While this may sound exciting, it was unprotected.
It took me a couple days to realize what I had done, luckily she was on the pill.
I had to get my STD screenings in, had to live with my regret for 2 long weeks.
All tests came back negative.
My brain is now fully healed and I have studied my ass off to go and get my G.E.D. in the next week or two.
I'm also saving for my own place right now.
So in short, there's a lot on my mind.
However, I feel I've really come to find myself through it all.
Without the skate community, I may not have had much interaction with people through these tough times.
So thank you guys for putting up with me & I hope we can squash any beef right here and now.
Expressing myself and having people enjoy the come up has helped me more than you know.
A boost in confidence, a realization that things are possible, that I can do me and be accepted. There is No greater feeling.
Hey guys, So I have some time this morning.
I wanted to kind of touch base with what has been going on these last couple of years.
Sometimes you have to sit down and evaluate why you may be doing what you're doing.
Why I have showed up, may have come off as kind of crass, upset or misinformed in my time here.
I have a tremendous respect for this community and it kind of hurts,
knowing that some people might still see me as this odd douche that thinks outside the box from time to time.
I've been thinking a lot, and I may start up some kind of release blog and go into further detail, but here's what's up for the most part.
It has been a real struggle for me in life, two decades and three years later.
Several near death experiences and one that was pretty life changing.
Some people already know the story but, I was skating with friends when I was 16.
Bombing hills, on the way to the park, lost them along the way. I was and still am a smoker.
I have no memory of this incident, but according to everyone else, I was hit by an oncoming van going about 40mph.
I had no protection on.. No helmet, knee pads, nothing. My mother and sister had one hell of a time trying to find out where I was.
With new privacy laws in place and no I.D. on me at the time, I was listed as "cincinnati kid" or something stupid like that.
They were told that I may not live through the trauma, they were preparing to help them get through the time losing me.
It's beyond me how, but I went from critical condition to leaving the hospital in 12 short days, sleeping through most of it.
I then proceeded to go through a couple therapies, if you've had an injury I'm sure you're familiar with physical therapy.
I passed that with flying colors, done very quickly. I felt so sure of myself that I went out and skated.
With an open wound covered by a bandage, dumb, I know. Went back into surgery for a staph infection.
Once this was through and all the dust settled, I still had some issues to work out on my own.
It is said that people who undergo brain injuries are likely to experience depression. In which I did.
I value my life though, I'm still here, you know? So the depression wasn't that bad. I refused to see a therapist.
I then attempted to quit smoking, it didn't work out. I eventually did quit smoking for 4 months.
Started up again, smoking heavily for about 4 or 5 years now. I have plans to quit, just rough right now.
Through the whole accident ordeal I dropped out of the 10th grade when I turned 18.
They offered help to get me through classes, but it was too much on me personally.
I lost memory of things and it took several minutes for me just to process basic math problems.
I've tried my hand at relationships with women all which had some kind of terrible outcome.
This frustrated the shit out of me..
One day I'm chilling, Smoking, Hot girl walks up to me and asks to bum a cig.
What do you say? Hell yeah, here. We talked for a while, she's a dancer at a night club.
Things escalated, I lost my virginity at age 23 to a 25 year old.
While this may sound exciting, it was unprotected.
It took me a couple days to realize what I had done, luckily she was on the pill.
I had to get my STD screenings in, had to live with my regret for 2 long weeks.
All tests came back negative.
My brain is now fully healed and I have studied my ass off to go and get my G.E.D. in the next week or two.
I'm also saving for my own place right now.
So in short, there's a lot on my mind.
However, I feel I've really come to find myself through it all.
Without the skate community, I may not have had much interaction with people through these tough times.
So thank you guys for putting up with me & I hope we can squash any beef right here and now.
Expressing myself and having people enjoy the come up has helped me more than you know.
A boost in confidence, a realization that things are possible, that I can do me and be accepted. There is No greater feeling.