Not trying to be rude, but tell your friend to read these comments to prevent 'mistakes' on your future "freestyles"
Mostly summarising everyone's comments:
- A freestyle is supposed to be a freestyle, not a written down thing
- Remove the Apple logo, that's what caused me to laugh instantly when i pressed start tbh. It couldn't make me take it serious.
- Do another take, even if you write down your lyrics, at least try to read it naturally or learn your own lyrics.
- Rapping about "Dem bitchez", "Dem money you'll make" and "the ultra-awesomeness of getting high" has been done an absurd amount of times already, and it doesn't make you look cool / cooler or whatever.
- Lastly, this cannot be used as "music" for footage...

Hope your friend will improve, and hopefully he'll take this critisism in a right way.