i have a fucking serious case of eczema.
my right hand palm has been a fucking bloody dry crackling mess for years..
had it on my arms for a while..gone now..
had it on my feet for a while..gone now..
in 2002 i found out that its too serious of a case to ever really be fixed.
doc has given me some of the strongest shit out and by the third or fourth day it does nothing.
i can put on lotion without rubbing it in and it will all be gone in multiple hours.
my hands look like a 90 year old mans.
it sucks.
ive wasted well over 20 thou just to find out its something i should learn to live with.


anxiety..
when i was little buses and malls were the shit.
over time ive come accustom to accounting for who i know and dont where ever i am.
if im out numbered i get nervous and irrational.
ive avoided many parties because of this...
i do not go to malls and i refuse to ride the bus even when its free...
yesterday for meat week we had a good number of folks come out.
i knew 5..there were like 30 of us...
i smoked a cig while my food was getting made.
sat alone and ate without saying a word.
left to smoke a cig after without saying anything..
not even to my own brother and other friends ive known for multiple years.


i have two lazy eyes.
which has caused vision issues.
neither is a serious problem but without glasses i have no control over where my eyes are pointed.


shit i live with...
shit i love...
shit that makes me, me...